Extra marital affairs - Fair or unfair

The number of divorces is increasing exponentially day by day. Even among the south Asian countries where familial bonds are sanctified and given extreme importance, divorce seems to be on the rise. Infidelity is one of the main reasons behind the rapid spread of the disease called divorce. Why does this happen? Is it because tolerance levels are dipping and dissatisfaction over petty issues are leading couples astray? Extra marital affairs are becoming common. In this article, we analyse the reason behind the rise in extra marital affairs, why and when it happens and when it does, what is the best way to handle it?

Why do extra marital affairs happen?

Some have it for the kicks of experiencing the love of a new man or woman other than their spouse. Some have an extra marital affair to escape the drudgery of a long marriage or some dissatisfaction sprouting in their married life. But some of the most common reasons would include a lack of sexual activity with spouse, absence of love and care and most importantly absence of quality time spent with each other. Most of these causes stem from the fact that both the husband and wife have a very busy and tiring work life which leaves them with very little time for each other. When they return home, they are both tired and hence it is as good as simply coming home to sleep and waking up to go for work the next day. Do these situations sound familiar to you? If you too are facing similar issues, don’t let it aggravate to a larger problem. Attack it when it is just beginning to affect your marriage.

Over a period of time, when the emotional as well as the physical demands are not met, one looks elsewhere to fulfil these needs. One craves for them and when they find it in another person either at the workplace or any social gathering (a chance meeting); it culminates into an affair. These affairs generally have no promises of commitments and are usually a fleeting fling. But the repercussions on the marriage are strong and in most cases disastrous. Let us see why.

A marriage is a bond built on the foundation of trust and love. An extra marital affair shakes this very foundation on which the marriage is built. It is a betrayal of sorts. More often than not, an extra marital affair after it is found out takes the marriage to the courts because betrayal hurts the most.

The emotional impact of an extra marital affair

Feeling dejected, depressed and let down is one effect which can be felt by a person when they find out that their spouse is having an affair. Extreme cases could include attempts to commit suicide and a loss of interest in life. The psychology behind this reaction is basic human tendency. Acceptance is the primary desire of any human being when it comes to social behaviour. When the spouse has cheated, this very tendency has been left unfulfilled. This implies that when the husband or wife indulges in an extra marital affair, the ‘wronged’ or the other person is left feeling inadequate. They feel rejected and rejection by the person who is often loved the most, their spouse, leaves an emotional dent.

What do you do when you have confronted the ugly truth?

Your spouse is cheating. Either you have heard it as a rumour through someone else or he or she confesses. If it is the first case or you are suspicious, confront your spouse. Talk things out. Cheating on a bond as strong as marriage is no joke that can be ignored. Besides a cool mind, it also needs delicate handling

Broach the topic straight away. Even if it is just a rumour, you as the spouse have the right to know. Do not beat around the bush or have the television set blaring away in the background. Keep all communication lines open and discuss things clearly. Do not lose your temper and as difficult as it may be for, don’t shy away from the facts. Allow the person to talk. It is indeed very difficult to handle the fact that the person you love has cheated on you, but is there a choice?

What next after you have found out?

There are some cases where an open and a frank discussion can solve problems and the couple can get back together with increased love for each other though this is a rarity. Sometimes, certain circumstances make people lose their senses and they involve themselves in difficult situations which they regret later. It may be a moment of weakness that causes an irreparable wreck. Whatever may be the case, reaching an amicable agreement is an open option. Never overlook the significance or the power of good communication and the healing power of time. Most importantly, don’t hold yourself responsible for what has happened.

Such affairs usually happen after many years of marriage when you have comfortably settled in a cocoon of complacency and have started taking each other for granted. Boredom may set in at this point. Who wouldn’t agree that variety is the spice of life? That is why it is important to keep the romance alive in your marriage. Never forget the reasons why you took your wedding vows. Was it to only part ways some time later and spoil the sanctity of this divine bond which is often believed to be made in the heaven? The answer is a definite no. Build your marriage on the strong foundation of love and trust and enjoy a blissful life.

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