Pre Marital Affairs – Setting the course for a collision free married life

Premarital relationships are viewed differently among different cultures. Western countries have more of a liberal and tolerant approach whereas Islamic countries clearly look down upon any form of premarital associations. Growing exposure to media and a gradual change in attitudes have made dating, affairs and to a certain extent even premarital sex acceptable in developing countries as well.

Some may live in an environment where parental disapproval or pressure from society is not much of a hurdle, but others who do face this problem are constantly watching their backs and conducting premarital affairs on the sly. Some of these young people even find the whole experience of hiding relationships challenging and exciting .Lies are told, meetings arranged in far out places, classes are missed and the thoughts of getting caught are brushed under the carpet as overwhelming needs of adolescence take over.

Lack of understanding, liberal and loving parents and other family members may even drive some to experiment with finding comfort in the form of sexual exploration not paying heed to possible consequences. Sometimes young people breeze through their teens, having experienced casual affairs, one-night stands and sometimes lasting relationships too which may see them through to college and beyond. Some even end up marrying school and college sweethearts. Others may not be so lucky and land up in a whole lot of trouble with unwanted pregnancies, abusive partners, drugs and drinking problems.

College relationships and workplace affairs are fairly common, but there are no clear statistics to support the conclusion and conversion of either into marriages. Having reached the threshold of adulthood and subsequent marriage, depending on the culture that they are brought up in, young people may opt to either talk about their previous relationships with their partners or prefer to live in two worlds-one that was their past and one their future with their spouse, not wanting to combine the two in any way possible. This particularly applies to women who for many society driven beliefs may prefer to keep their past under wraps for fear of being judged, getting branded as a ‘loose character’ or actually be rejected by insecure, narrow minded males with misplaced ideas about premarital affairs and virginity.

There are many who may believe that ‘honesty is the best policy’ and are prepared to face the consequences. But there are also others who may believe in ‘ignorance is bliss’. This could either be due to the fact that they are aware that their past life may not be accepted, or they just want to start afresh not wanting to rake up old issues and creating avoidable rifts. Some may prefer to disclose that they did have premarital affairs but may refrain from giving out more details.

So how does one handle disclosures of premarital affairs? This could be dated back to Catherine Howard who married Henry VIII of England in 1540 only to be beheaded after less than two years of marriage as her past life was questionable. The world has moved ahead from then and these days relationships being terminated before or after marriage due to the suspicious or un-accepting nature of either partner are quite rare.

In a liberal environment, commitment, trust in each other and acceptance may overshadow any disclosure of a previous relationship, and perhaps even create stronger bonds and deepen the trust. Such situations are often seen before the marriage takes place. Where the trust part is yet to be established, this may happen after marriage and acceptance may follow if continuance of the relationship is believed to be worthwhile on mutual terms. Many factors like timing, social reasons, castes and economics play a role here.

Some relationships are built on friendship, faith and confidence where partners are accepting of each other’s past and may even seek comfort in talking about it in case the premarital affairs were not all that rosy. However, it is commonly believed that a relationship with fewer secrets lasts longer.

It is a well known fact that when stepping into matrimony couples always try to put their best foot forward and in the interest of establishing lasting relationships prefer to hide the more unpleasant aspects of their lives. However, most people agree that you should be honest with your significant other and dispense with any form of distraction as it is always better to find out sooner rather than later. There may be things that need to be said and in some way may affect the present or the future; however the explicit details may be spared. If either one of them cannot accept each other for who they are, there may not be much of a foundation for the relationship.

Different genders have also known to handle disclosures differently. Women are believed to be more accepting with premarital affairs than they are with extra-marital affairs. The level of the relationship is almost always the factor which determines what the outcome of the disclosure is but it is an accepted fact that disclosures are often reciprocal and reduce uncertainty in relationships.

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